Nadia was killed last year in the home of her former partner, Elie Issa, in what is being treated as a murder-suicide. 

The beautiful Nadia died but a few weeks after separation from Elie. Everyone visited his café, Elie’s, at some time or other and inevitably spoke with the sociable Elie.

Both Nadia and Elie then were well-known and the tragedy sent deep chills down the spines of all and raised more questions than can be answered.

The community of Bathurst has come together to mark one year since the tragedy.

A feast in Nadia’s honour was held at the Bathurst institution, the Bishop’s Court Estate boutique hotel. Its expansive dining room, which was once a chapel, was illuminated with more candles than heaven. 

Esteemed hostess Christine Le Fevre, a well-known chef, epicure and hotelier, has also had an exquisite kitchen garden constructed and dedicated to Nadia.

At the Bathurst Women’s Network luncheon late last month, where the annual Nadia Cameron award was announced, she was remembered with a one-minute silence.

Everyone is very aware of physical domestic violence but many are not aware of another kind of domestic violence: coercive and controlling behaviour. It is important to raise awareness of coercive and controlling behaviour because its end game is often lethal domestic violence.

Couples in a domestic violence relationship recycle and escalate conflicts based on unresolved differences. There is an imbalance of power in the relationship where one party lives in constant fear (because of the more powerful physical demeanour of one party or the high level of coercion and control exerted by the more powerful party) and feels as if they have constantly to tread on eggshells and cannot be themselves.

It is important to distinguish the difference between a high conflict relationship and a domestic violence relationship.

In high conflict relationships, the existence of disagreement and conflict between couples is a given, however, such couples are more likely to handle their differences and conflicts constructively by either negotiating an agreement or agreeing to differ.

In the course of the argument they may have expressed a lot of anger, but they will clear the air afterwards by apologising and frequently the issue at hand will be resolved.

In contrast, in domestic violence relationships, the conflict is a prolonged struggle or a fight between two parties. This may cause one or other partner to periodically explode with hostile anger, which results in physical domestic violence.

However, coercive and controlling behaviour is another response to the prolonged struggle. In this case, one partner increasingly withdraws from the relationship but also exerts coercive control -physical pain or psychological harm in order to control.

Coercive and controlling behaviour is not as well known as physical domestic violence. It is defined as ongoing psychological behaviour and manipulation, rather than isolated or unconnected incidents, with the purpose of removing a victim’s freedom and sense of self-worth and stripping away the victim’s sense of self.

Because there is an imbalance of power and therefore an inability to negotiate freely, family dispute resolution practitioners should be aware that mediation might not be an appropriate solution in domestic violence cases.

In cases of coercive and controlling behaviour, one partner will often make unreasonable demands that are followed up by threats, pressure or physical restraint if not agreed to.

The perpetrating partner will often isolate the victim from family, friends and colleagues and place restrictions on the victim’s daily activities, instilling fear if not obeyed. Restricting the victim’s freedom of movement and freedom to interact with others is often carried out using sinister methods, such as checking car odometers or taking control of communications tools such as phones, iPads and email or social media passwords.

These restrictions can often be accompanied by emotional degradation, such as name-calling, belittling or bullying. Emotional degradation is often in front of friends or children, designed to make the victim feel worthless. Threats to hurt or kill the victim or their friends and family are also commonplace.

In the UK a new law was passed in March 2015, making controlling or coercive behaviour in intimate or familial relationships an offence. For full details, please see:

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/482528/Controlling_or_coercive_behaviour_-_statutory_guidance.pdf

The offence carries a maximum sentence of five years’ imprisonment, a fine or both. With the increase in lethal domestic violence in Australia, Australia should look to passing similar laws.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can ring the Domestic Violence Line for help on 1800 656 463 and see http://www.community.nsw.gov.au/parents,-carers-and- families/domestic-and- family-violence/domestic- violence-line for other support, information and counselling on domestic violence.

The Domestic Violence Line is a statewide free-call number and is available 24 hours, seven days a week.

The Bathurst Family Support Service has a Family Violence Awareness Group. Phone 02 6331 7022 or visit http://www.bfss.org.au/About/about-bathurst- family-support- service.html