So as the time approaches for Parade to trade in (or sell for scrap) his beloved, battered, beaten-up little car, he grows ever more confused.

Because Parade can’t be trusted to make a decision about a new car independently, his significant other has taken over and is running the operation the way a drill sergeant runs an induction ceremony for nervous new recruits.

At least once every two days, Parade is forced to submit to the humiliation of staring at cars – they all look exactly the same – in a newspaper advertisement or on a computer screen so that he can participate in a conversation about the various vehicles’ merits.

“Which one do you like the best?” Parade’s significant other will want to know.

“That one,” Parade will tell her, choosing the last one he was shown.

“And why?” Parade’s significant other will say, leaning in so she can properly understand the complex reasoning.

Parade, not wanting to disappoint her, will mumble something about the power steering or the rollbar security or the rollbar steering, at which point he’ll be accused of not taking the operation seriously and will be dismissed.

It’s all a bit stressful. Just imagine how much worse it would be if Parade was actually taking an interest.

AND here’s some news from overseas that will please the perpetually miserable: UK psychologists say the widely held view that people naturally look on the bright side of life may be wrong.

Scientists have concluded that there is no basis for the claim that “optimism bias” – expecting good things to happen in the future – is fundamental to human psychology.

The findings are important, Parade reads, because belief in optimism bias can affect the way policymakers deal with issues ranging from financial crises to obesity and climate change.

So that’s some rare good news for the morose masses: you can feel reassured that you might have had it right all along.