We should never assume that public smiles are not being used to mask a private hell.

We should never assume that the person we see as everybody’s mate when out with friends is not a totally different person at home with family.

But nor should we assume they are.

One of the great difficulties with understanding domestic violence is that so much is not as it seems.

What is clear, though, is that incidents of domestic violence are occurring far more often than most of us would ever imagine.

The latest figures from the Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research (BOCSAR) show there were 241 reported cases of domestic violence in the Chifley local area command in the 12 months to June 2017.

That’s a rate of almost five a week, and the figures have shown little change in recent years.

With so many cases every year, it’s inevitable that nearly all of us will know a victim of domestic violence – even if we’re unaware of it.

Another of the difficulties in understanding domestic violence is the shame many victims wrongly feel as a result of an attack.

As much as we all know we have a right to feel safe in our own homes, police will tell us that one of the hurdles they face in prosecuting domestic violence cases is building a rapport with the victims that allows them to speak freely, to understand they should not be protecting their assailant, and to accept they are not to blame.

The good news, if there can be any in this space, is that the message appears to be slowly getting through.

It’s impossible to know how many cases of domestic violence go unreported each year, but authorities are hopeful – confident, even – that the number is falling.

The stigma is being lifted and the broader community is taking a vow not to turn a blind eye to violence of any sort.

Relationships are complex things, and we can never know the full story of what goes on behind closed doors.

But we do know this: violence is not the answer. Hurting those you love is not the answer. And whatever reason you might want to give to justify your actions is not an excuse.

It’s not 50 shades of grey, it’s black and white. Pure and simple.