A quick look at the perpetrators of some of this country's most highly publicised domestic violence cases reveals some telling information.

First, they do not look the same.

Domestic violence perpetrators in this country are not limited to a single cultural background or religious group.

They can be any age and they can be rich or poor. They can live in the city, in regional centres or in remote towns.

If anything, the overwhelming majority of domestic violence perpetrators are linked in just one way; they are nearly all men. And that's a massive problem.

We are doing something wrong because we are breeding too many men who are so lacking in respect for women and children that they believe it's OK to raise their fists - or worse.

Too many men are growing up not understanding or recognising that real love is selfless, not selfish, and that a real relationship means relinquishing control, not demanding it.

Domestic violence is now an Australian crisis rivalling road deaths in the 1980s and gun deaths in the 1990s and it demands the same whole-of-society response.

We can no longer ignore this issue with a glib "it's not all men" attitude.

Nor should we allow further muddying of the issue with the shrill "men can also be the victims of domestic violence".

But where the introduction of random breath testing almost instantly brought down the road toll and gun control reduced the number of gun deaths, there is no silver bullet to stop domestic violence.

Much of the worst violence is carried out behind closed doors and too many of the victims feel trapped by their situation.

And the abuse can take many forms - physical, sexual, financial and emotional.

There is no easy answer, but we need to try - and try harder now than we ever have before.

And the starting point must be two simple words - love and respect. We must create a society that truly understands those words, and particularly young men.

We must create a society that does not tolerate or foster abuse in any form.

We must create a society where men stop killing their families. And men must lead the change.